Repeating the Same Behaviors Again and Again Is Known as Re

Source: shutterstock/Damir Khabirov

By Cheryl Collins, M.D.

It is a common and frustrating experience to repeatedly engage in self-defeating patterns despite intentions to the opposite. The variations on this theme are many; procrastination, dating cocky-absorbed partners, compulsive shopping, drinking or eating besides much…you go the idea. Y'all tell yourself you volition programme ahead and be more than intentional. And you succeed for a while, but much to your dismay, your effort is short-lived.

Sigmund Freud labeled this the "repetition compulsion" and understood it to arise from our desire to fix something troubling and unresolved from our past. He originally believed that simply raising our sensation of the problem would solve it, but he discovered, as you likely take, that while that is a necessary beginning step, it oft doesn't stop the reoccurring issue. So why isn't awareness of the problem sufficient for breaking the unwanted bicycle?

If I know I feel badly afterwards, why can't I but stop?

The respond is that the unwanted behavior is at once a trouble and a solution. For example, we are aware that compulsive shopping is problematic. But a closer await reveals that compulsive shopping likewise solves a different trouble; one that remains subconscious or out of our awareness. Equally long as it remains hidden, an unwanted bike of behavior and the associated emotional distress information technology evokes volition persist.

In psychoanalysis, the hidden meaning is revealed, allowing for greater control over unwanted behavior. This occurs every bit the therapist listens for and shifts attention to these hidden experiences, thus uncovering the deeper, driving trouble. There may exist an investigation of relevant aspects of one's past, but contrary to pop belief, the by is non examined gratuitously; rather its relevance to the present is revealed with the aim of clarifying the self-defeating behavior.

Caitlin's state of affairs

Caitlin was enlightened that she shopped too much, overspent, and felt remorseful after doing so. Her remorse and debt led to a cycle of self-loathing to which she responded by shredding her credit cards and banning herself from shopping at the mall or online. These were short lived efforts to control the cycle. For reasons unclear to her, the impulse to shop would resurface in an intense, irresistible manner. The compunction she inevitably felt later was completely lost to her in the immediacy of these moments, and the only relief she could imagine was to shop. So the painful wheel began anew.

Caitlin described her mother as a woman who was defined past her beauty. Many of Caitlin'south nearly memorable interactions with her revolved effectually their shopping excursions. Caitlin hands recalled feeling doted on, like she was her mother'south doll during their excursions. Caitlin'due south initial memories of these times were exclusively positive, explaining little about her present day shopping recklessness.

Her therapist carefully listened for and focused Caitlin'due south attending upon forgotten aspects of her interactions with her mother, shedding new light on Caitlin'southward trouble. For example, Caitlin remembered her bewilderment when her mother lamented the shape of Caitlin's body, her hair color, her facial features, and how she never looked quite right in her dress. Caitlin understood for the first fourth dimension that she had begun to detest herself every bit much every bit she believed her mother hated her.

Eventually she was able to connect the immediacy of her shopping urges to her longstanding states of self-hatred. And every bit Caitlin realized that her mother had struggled ineffectively with her own self-esteem and thus was unable to bolster Caitlin'southward, she was relieved of the unconscious pursuit of her mother's approving, falsely promised past their shopping trips. In brusque, Caitlin untangled her true feelings nigh herself from those she believed her female parent felt, transforming her self-defeating cycle. Caitlin could at present answer to issues with self-esteem states in more productive means, and if she chose, she could shop for her own pleasure.

Freud believed we are compelled to repeat until we call up. For example, Caitlin's compulsion to store repeated itself until she recalled how and why her self-esteem had been damaged during her early experiences. While it was painful to recall this, doing so allowed her to respond more productively to her problems with cocky-esteem.

Most self-defeating behaviors, whether it is excessive shopping or binge-eating, entail some combination of cocky-destruction and self-protection. The challenge is to uncover the roots of both issues then that a healthier response can be discovered. Here are some tips:

• Periodical without judgment: Tape your successes and failures without your internal judge. Speaking to yourself in an uncensored mode can facilitate the discovery of that which is out of your awareness.
• Delay acting when emotionally distressed: The rational brain is hijacked by intense emotion. Connect with your rational self by referring to your periodical. The longer the filibuster, the clearer your thinking.
• Engage in physical activity: Emotional distress activates archaic parts of the encephalon; concrete activity settles it.
• Consider therapy: Therapy can help identify your blind spots.

Dr. Collins is an adult, child and boyish psychiatrist and psychoanalyst currently in private do in Washington DC, but will relocate to Jackson Hole, Wyoming in the fall! She also is an associate clinical professor at the George Washington Academy School of Medicine where she teaches psychiatry residents an introductory course on psychoanalytic idea.

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Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psychoanalysis-unplugged/201806/why-can-t-i-stop-repeating-the-same-stupid-behaviors